classic esoteric parody from the mid-80s

I am the very model of a modern esotericist;
A seasoned astral traveller and edifying exorcist,
A sparkling star astrologer, a dead adroit necromancer,
A dab hand as a palmist and a card as a tarotmancer.
I've folk tradition lineage - Italian and Hispanical;
I've channelled Dion Fortune and I've busted cults satanical;
Elusively mysterious in Eleusinian Mysteries,
I've disproved ninety-three percent of Margaret Murray's histories.
My patent aphrodisiacs would make a satyr hornier;
I've manufactured unicorns in Northern California;
In short, in matters magical, I'm manic as a terrorist;
I am the very model of a modern esotericist.

I am the very model of a modern esotericist;
My mystic methodology's inherently empiricist;
I’ve glided over Glastonbury on broomsticks I can travel on;
I don’t deny the rumours that I ghostwrote Mists of Avalon.
A truly great Great Riter and a master of tantrickery,
I’m up the Shining Pathways till the guardians are sick of me;
I dazzle Neo-Pagans as I breakdance round the Wicca ring;
And, miracle of miracles, I even stop them bickering.
I’ve raised the ghost of Crowley in a Gnostic Mass invoking in
Sumerian, Bavarian, Etruscan and Enochian;
I'd sing another chorus but I have to see my therapist;
I am the very model of a modern esotericist.